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Today friend of mine posted a meme on Facebook with the simple caption “agree or disagree?”
I don’t think it’s so simple.
Negative energy will affect your kids whether you are together or separated. If you divorce and continue to fight with, belittle, and act negatively towards your ex what have your children gained? Nothing. They are still living with negative energy and a lack of love, only now they have to do it while traveling between two homes. How does that do anything to improve their life or your own?
What if instead of just STAYING TOGETHER for the kids we actually CAME TOGETHER for the kids?
****disclaimer: I am not speaking of truly toxic and abusive relationships here people. You have to set boundaries and sometimes what is best for you and the kids is getting out of that situation. I’m talking about two good people who have developed bad habits towards each other, have done something incredibly stupid that they want to repent for, or just “fallen out of love”****
What if we actually worked our butts off to bring the love, joy, and mutual respect back to the relationship? What if we learned to forgive, to let go of petty differences, to seek our own self-improvement? What if we decide the only deal breaker was if they wouldn’t work on it with us?
How would our world be different if instead of celebrating people for calling it quits we actually put in the work it takes to stay in love for better or worse, in sickness and in health…
I wrote almost one year ago about how I wasn’t sure if my marriage would survive. Well today I can tell you we’re going to make it. Why? Because we both said we are better than this. Our kids deserve better than this. We deserve better than this. We cried together. We talked to each other. We heard and said hurtful things, then we walked past them. We jumped in the trenches and put everything we had into truly staying together. We aren’t just room mates living in a cloud of negative energy creating a vortex of negative love. We are partners in heart, spirit and mind who have made a commitment to keep trying, keep loving, and keep moving forward. Is our relationship perfect? Not by a long-shot! It is far stronger and more beautiful now than it ever has been.
A few months ago my husband said “This has been the best year in our relationship.” I looked at him like he was crazy. We were on the way home from his grandmother’s funeral after losing his father only a few months earlier. We had almost split up. We had experienced some pretty nasty fights. Our financial situation was nothing to be pleased about. This was the year we almost lost it all. Then I stopped and thought. He’s right. This year has been the best in our relationship, because we finally had enough guts to break down the walls that were dividing us and truly commit to a real partnership between ourselves and God. None of the trials we had been faced with mattered any more, because we had walked through the fire, and found a way to hold on to one another instead of letting life drag us apart.
Yes we stayed together for the kids, and it’s been the best year of our lives.