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In the book “
Why Does He Do That?” Lundy Bancroft outlines ten types of abusers. You can see the brief description of each type in my previous post on identifying types of abusive men.
Today we are going to dive more into the mindset of Rambo
The Attitudes That Drive the Rambo Abuser
Rambo is aggressive with EVERYONE, not just his partner. Intimidating people is thrilling. He thrives on having people fear him. He equates this fear with respect.
Rambo likely came from a situation in which he was abused or intimidated. He learned early in life that that the only way to be safe is to be tougher and stronger than everyone around him. This view leads him to have little patience with any perceived weakness or frailty on the part of his peers.
Rambo often has a criminal record for something like drunk driving, violence, theft, or drug dealing. Participating in these activities make him feel strong and intimidating.
Rambo lacks fear, or at least he pretends that he does. He starts out a relationship promising to keep his partner safe. He is her gallant knight ready to do battle to protect her from the evils of this world. It doesn’t take long, however, before his aggression turns to land on her.
Rambo is a man’s man. He likes things like rough and tumble sports, lifting weights, and hunting. He looks down on men who are compassionate or “wimpy”. They aren’t REAL men. He is also usually homophobic, because a homosexual could ever be a REAL man in his mind.
The Partner of Rambo
Rambo’s partner is often a woman who came from a violent home ir is int he process of leaving another abusive relationship. She feels comforted in his strength. She feels that he will protect her from the bad things that have hurt her.
In the beginning Rambo’s partner feels like she has been rescued. As his aggression turns towards her, however, her world drastically changes.
Rambo’s partner may begin to feel a lot of self doubt. She feels like she should have seen and known what he was because of her past history. Ending up in a violent situation…AGAIN…may leave her feeling like she deserves this treatment.
Do You Know A Rambo
It is important to note that many highly masculine men are NOT Rambo. There are plenty of manly men out there who still show respect towards their fellow men and women. The key indicators of a Rambo type abuser are his aggression towards all. It is his intimidation, criminal behavior, and violence towards everyone that make him an abuser.
Remember not every abuser fits neatly into one package. You may know someone who has a few of these traits, but not all of them. You may know someone who has all of these traits, plus a few dozen more. The important part is to recognize the attitudes of abuse at work here.
If you believe that you are in an abusive relationship please reach out and seek help using the resources at the bottom of the abusive types post here.
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