Hello lovelies, my name is Emily, but who am I?
A few years ago I would have answered that question by telling you I was married, I had a bunch of kids, I was a former Marine, and I homeschooled. What else was there to tell? Fact was I was a pretty empty shell of a person. My mouth smiled, but it rarely spread to my eyes. I always answered the question “how are you ?” with “Great!”, then felt sick inside because I knew it was a lie. I spent many nights awake staring at the ceiling wondering why I felt so empty. I spent my days cooking, cleaning, booger wiping, diaper changing, and doing everything else to take care of my family. No matter how hard I worked I felt like a failure because I never got my to do list done. I often simply gave up and did nothing other than the necessities to keep my kids alive because why bother when you are just going to fail anyway?
After a particularly rough few months, and realized I had nothing that was mine alone. I was putting everything I had into others, without anyone, least of all me, pouring back into my needs. I said enough is enough. It’s time to take care of me. It’s time for me to figure out exactly who I am and what I want out of life. It’s time for me to find joy in the journey. Life is still hard, and I still have my bad days, just like anyone else, but I have been able to find joy, improve my relationships, and most importantly save myself.
So really, who am I?
I am maternal. Not only am I the mother of my own large brood, but I truly love to nurture those around me. It fills my bucket to help you fill yours. I am the shoulder you can cry on. The gentle voice that will soothe your fears. I will also push you to be your best self, and call you out on stinkin’ thinkin’. I may be a bit more intorverted, but don’t underestimate my ability to go full on mama bear when someone I love is threatened or hurt. I believe there is nobility in motherhood and that the most important, difficult, and rewarding work you will ever do will be within the walls of your own home.
I am intimate. Now get your mind out of the gutter, I’m not talking sexy here! I want to know you. I want to understand what makes you tick. I want to be emotionally connected to everyone close to me. I want to understand myself and be able to share every part of me with the people who I love. I believe that the best relationships are built on deep, honest, personal connection.
I am Impulsive. I think of schedules as guidelines, not strict instructions. I can get behind routines and general plans, but you will never find me getting into the nitty-gritty details and stressing over how every five minutes are spent. I need to be free to throw everyone in the car and head out to the park on a moment’s notice when I get sick of being at home. I do my best work under pressure, in fact after being a Marine then mom to many I’m not sure I know how to work without pressure! I believe in taking action; when it’s right it’s right, so jump in with both feet and get swimming.
Thank you for joining me on deep thoughts by Emily, now for the fun stuff! I really can not resist a cold Vanilla or Cherry Dr. Pepper, even though I always regret it when I have heartburn an hour later. I am quite fond of elephants and frogs. My favorite color is sunset. I have always loved art, but once again told myself it was a skill I didn’t have. Part of rediscovering my own muchness has been experimenting with many art forms including zentangle, calligraphy, photography, graphic design and my definite favorite: digital painting. I really like public speaking, and my dream job would be to travel the country giving motivational speeches to women. I detest coffee, yes I know this will alienate most of you, but please forgive me. The smell alone makes me turn a bit green. Shhh, but I’ll let you in on one last little secret: I have an alter ego, Super Womb-an, you can read more about her here.